"You Need Therapy!": Exploring the Risks of Inner Work

The moment someone truly embraces therapy is incredible to witness. I’ve seen it happen more often than people might think—someone walks in, feeling like they’re drowning in emotions they don’t fully understand. Over time, through self-reflection and tough conversations, the work starts to click. The patterns become clearer. The breakthroughs come, and with them, a sense of power—of control. Therapy feels like the ultimate act of self-care. But sometimes, that same self-awareness takes an unexpected turn. Without realizing it, something shifts.

A client once told me, “I just don’t have patience for people who refuse to grow.” She’d been in therapy for almost a year, making huge strides in her own self-awareness. She was excited about her growth, but in the same breath, she would talk about the people in her life who "just didn’t get it." She’d tell a friend to "set better boundaries" instead of just listening. She’d cut off loved ones for not "healing fast enough." If a family member got defensive during a disagreement, she’d tell them they should "unpack that in therapy." And if someone simply reacted in a way she didn’t like? Well, it was labeled as unhealed trauma because they just weren’t "doing the work." Without meaning to, she was isolating herself—turning her healing into a pedestal. And from up there, judgment came easily.

Maybe you’ve been there too. Maybe you’ve felt the frustration of wanting the people around you to experience the clarity and breakthroughs you’ve had. It comes from a good place—you want them to be free of the same patterns, the same cycles that you’ve been working so hard to break. But healing isn’t something we can force on others. And when we start using therapy as a measuring stick instead of a mirror, it stops being about growth and starts being about control.

Or maybe you’ve been on the other side of this—the person who’s been made to feel like you’re somehow "behind" in your healing because you’re not moving at someone else’s pace. Maybe you’ve been told you’re not self-aware enough, that you need to “do the work” just because you don’t see things the way someone else does. That kind of pressure doesn’t come from a place of love—it comes from ego. And no one’s healing should make you feel small.

It took time—and some tough conversations—for her to see what she was doing. Healing isn’t a competition, and it’s not a weapon. Just because she was in therapy didn’t mean she had the right to diagnose, analyze, or police someone else’s journey. Therapy is personal. Growth is personal. And no one owed her a timeline or a breakthrough that aligned with her expectations.

In these situations, we want to learn a new kind of self-awareness—one that reminds us that our healing is ours, and theirs is theirs. We can model growth without forcing it. We can be supportive without being self-righteous. And most importantly, we can remember that healing should feel like freedom—not pressure, not judgment, and definitely not a weapon.

So ask yourself: Have you been using your healing as a mirror or a magnifying glass? Are you holding space for people, or holding them to a standard they never agreed to? And if you’re on the receiving end, do you recognize that your growth is yours to define? Healing isn’t about being ahead of anyone. It isn’t about being "better than." It’s about being better, period.